So I did it. I put a link on my Facebook page for my blog. I wasn't sure I wanted to open myself up to those I know. It's embarrassing. It's not like people don't know I'm over weight....I can't hide that. But the numbers, the failures, and the acknowledgment of it all is just stuff you usually hide. Does that make sense? Anyway, like I said, July is fast approaching, and I really need to step it up, so I thought posting my link on Facebook would help me. I knew it would be hard. I knew it would open the door for me to have to look at reality right in the face. And do you know what I found? Love. Kindness. Understanding. And best of all, Support. There are a lot of us in the same situation that I am in. Whether we are really overweight, or just a little. Maybe not even, but just searching for our place in the world where we know who we are and where we belong. Those of us who are in our second stage of our lives, whose children are grown and moved out, or just growing and don't need us anymore. Who are we now? I know I've turned to food when I'm feeling not needed. That way I need myself, I mother myself. I'm searching for my identity. Searching for that women I am supposed to be. I don't want it to be that unfit, unsure of herself, 50 something women. I want to know who I am. I want to be happy with whatever weight I am at. I want to be a real person, who can eat in public with everyone else, and not let it ruin her day, the person who has opinions and is not afraid to share them. To not be self conscious over every little thing. I lost myself while raising my kids, and I'm just trying to find myself. I'm getting there. This journey is amazing. It is a conscious effort to make changes for the better, to do things I've always wanted to do, even be a bit selfish, and to find out what's next. This blog has helped me immensely and now that others, friends that I know have seen it, it will help me even more, and in turn, hopefully we can all help each other. There is a whole new world out there, and I'm ready to find my place in it. Who's coming?
"The biggest change for me as a mom was realizing
I needed to put someone else before me.
Now the hardest part about the empty nest
is learning to put myself first."