I'm in love with Pilates! So, my sister Connie and I have started Pilates. It's a virtual class at the gym, in a big, private room where you can pick any exercise video to work out to. Ours is the Beginners Mat Pilates class that runs 30 minutes. I was looking for something to do that strengthens my core, and helps with my flexibility that I have lost from both getting older and from just sitting around. I have a torn MCL in my knee that needs surgery, so yoga is out for me. The first time we did this class it kicked our butts! I was so sore, but it felt so good to be sore. It still is hard, and there are many moves that I can not do yet, but I can feel it getting easier, which is so exciting. We have been going 3 times a week in addition to our weight lifting regime, and cardio thrown in there sometimes. I hate cardio, and tell myself that the Pilates and weight lifting is good enough cardio for me right now :) Anyway, that's what I've been up to at the gym lately. I am so glad that I went back. I like when I don't go, because I am a lazy butt, but I love it when I'm going because I just feel so good about myself, just being there, it pushes me to continue to be active and to eat healthy.
Here is our virtual instructor.
We named her Ashley, because, well,
she just looks like an Ashley.
She is our new friend :)
Connie and I after our class :)
"Pilates: Meditation, with a double side of pain."
Today was just a beautiful Sunday here! The weather was amazing....hot and sunny.....just how I like it :)
Just stopping in for a quick post tonight because I was so busy today and I'm ready for bed now :) But............
Today is my weigh in day!! I weighed in this morning and wanted to share my results!!
Yay! That is a 4 pound loss :) Like I've said in the past tho, I always start out with a bang, and then slow down, so, yeah :) But, I'll take it!!
I like seeing the numbers in full view. It helps keep me accountable, and it shows me what my hard work, or my failures add up to. In any case, that is why I am showing my scale :)
I've really set my mind this time to make this work! Now that I have a goal, I need to see it through. I just need to listen to my body and quit eating out of habit. I've found that that is a big thing for me. Tomorrow, I am going to set up my game plan for attaining my goal. I can do this!!
Oh my goodness! This summer is just flying by and it's been hard to carve out time to write a post :) I am trying to spend every nice day that I have off, at the beach, and my work days are for sitting out on The Sanctuary after dinner and just enjoying the evening. I haven't really even checked my blogs to read so I need to catching up and see what everyone has been up to. I feel so lonely :)
Let me begin with some beach pictures from Monday :)
My Great Nephew, Oliver!!
My Great Nephew, Ryland
My Nieces, Ariel, and Alyssa
and their Mom, my SIL Julie!!
The "toes in the sand" picture,
just because I'm a smarty pants,
now that I have a smart phone :)
I promised myself that today, since we took the day off, I would update my blog. I decided to add some pages, including a weight journey page. I looked back and wrote down all my gains and losses since in started my blog in January. My real honest attempt at losing weight started in October so I decided to begin with that and go from there. What a mess of losses and gains. After looking at all of the ups and downs, I made a promise to myself that that nonsense is going to stop. See it all in print made me realize how much time I've wasted by eating junk, and not eating junk. I think my main focus when beginning this blog was to find myself emotionally. Now I need to stop messing around and find myself physically! It is a shame how much time and energy I've wasted yo-yoing up and down. That is going to stop! I am at peace with my kids getting older, and now I need to be at peace with my weight. The only person that can help me with that is me. I also noticed that I have been really lackadaisical about weighing in. That is going to stop as well. Awhile back I was weighing in on Sundays and I really liked that. So from now on, weigh in's on Sundays.....YUP! Posting a picture of my scale......YES! Here and there accountability gym time pictures.....GET READY!
December is coming fast and Iv'e set a goal for December......
I, Lori, declare that I will be 180 pounds by December 20, 2015. :)
I've reset my ticker on myfitnesspal I can see it in print and be properly updated!
That is 22 weeks away.
I am 216 today
That is 36 pounds.
That is about 1.5 pounds per week.
Will I do it? YES!
I never usually set goals with my weight. I really don't know why. Thinking about it tho, I think setting a goal is a wonderful way to get where you want to be!!
Yesterday was beautiful here, so of course it was a beach day for Lori! Just a few pictures for you :)
This is the boardwalk down to the beach!!
So calming! So beautiful!
Some friends came to visit.
They invited more friends
because I was nice to them :)
So....my sister and I started back at the gym. This was kind of a spur of the moment thing. We were talking about it at work....about how we miss it, how good we used to feel, and the next thing you know we made plans to go. I think that's the way you have to do something you really don't want to do. Don't think about it, just do it. Anyway, we went and now I can't remember why I stopped! I think once you stop it's just so easy not to go. I walked into the gym and saw this quote written on the wall............
I had forgotten until I saw this. I remember why I started. To feel stronger, to feel more flexible. To feel more in control. Going to the gym helps me make healthier food choice. It just helps me all around, physically and mentally. Even if I don't do enough cardio to help me loose weight, or enough strength training to build muscle. It helps me stay motivated. It helps me feel positive. It makes me feel powerful. That's all the reason
So, as you know from my previous posts my birthday has past and I am now 50 :) I'm good! Aside from the "missing my baby kids" phases I still go through from time to time, I am fine with getting older! It is just a number and as long as I stay moving, continue to eat healthy,and continue finding new and exciting things to occupy my time, I'll be alright! :)
Just a few thoughts about my journey so far of finding myself.
I began this blog in hopes of finding out just who I am now that my kids are grown and gone (Youngest Dominic is a sophomore in college). I have always been Mom. Like I said, in previous posts.......
"Whether you work outside the home, or are a stay at home mom, our lives revolve around our kids. In my case, I was a stay at home mom until our youngest was 5, then we started our business. I really think that I gave up my self in the process of being that mom who did it all. I know many moms who do both. Moms who are able to be wonderful, hands on moms, and still have a life. I, unfortunately didn't do that. I forgot that I was supposed to live too. I never cultivated any close friendships because I didn't work outside of the home and I just never took the time to do it. I never developed any hobbies, or did things just for myself. That is my fault. I am making that conscious effort to change that. That's what "Finding Lori" is all about. My weight, my mental and emotional growth, my social development, it's all a process that should have been a priority years ago, but for whatever reason, it was all put on the back burner."
So, now an update on my journey.....
My Mental And Emotional Growth.
When our youngest Dominic left for college last fall, I suddenly faced with the fact that Greg and I were back to where we started. Alone, just the two of us. It was an adjustment for sure. Not feeling needed. Not knowing what my kids were doing at every moment, who they were with, what they were eating. One day, right after Dominic left, I came home from work to find his car not in the driveway where it usually is. I sat there teary eyed and realized that he was gone. My kids are all gone. My house is empty. I was so sad. It only took a few weeks tho that Greg and I got into our own little routine and the first time Dominic came home I was ready for him to go back after one night :) I realized that I like it the way it is now. It has been 28 years since it was just Greg and I, and we love it!! I began to realize that that is the way life is supposed to be. We did not become parents to keep our kids with us forever. We have children to raise them to be functioning adults, doing what ever makes them happy. I feel like I've grown emotionally and mental these past months. I am no longer sad all the time over the fact that my kids are not here. I still have baby dreams every once in awhile, but now I realize that I just want all of the fun cute accessions that come with a baby......strollers, diaper bags, etc.... :) I am happy where I am right now with my feelings about being an empty nester. I am realizing that not only do my kids have their own lives, but now, so do I. I'm finding things that I want to do that have nothing to do with the kids! I am happy with the fact that I have no regrets when it comes to time spent with my kids. I've done it all, loved it all and now it's time to move on :)
My Social Development.
I used to think that because I was a Mom, that I couldn't go out and have fun. I was Mom. Put Lori away. Now I am getting Lori back and I am loving every minute of it. I honestly think that my older kids were around 3 and 4 before Greg and I left them to go out to dinner. We always just took them with us. That was the first mistake. Parents need time away from their kids to develop friendships with other people, and to expand their own relationship. We are lucky that we are still so close and still so much in love, because I know of couples that separate as soon as the kids are gone, not having much in common anymore, or just falling away from each other emotionally. Unfortunately, because we never did things socially, I never had many girlfriend to do things with. Luckily I've always been close with my family, but now I am starting to reestablish friendships with old friends. Girl time is so important for our peace of mind, and I am having so much fun going out to dinner, coffee and just hanging out with other women!!
My weight has been and probably always will be a problem for me. During this process of finding who I am, I have discovered that my weight doesn't define me. It used to. It used to determine my moods, it used to determine whether or not I went out to lunch or dinner with my husband, because if it was a bad food day, I wanted to stay inside and do nothing. It used to be the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing before I went to bed. And now?? Well, now I am trying not to look at the number on the scale in the morning. I am trying not to think about my clothing size. I am beginning to just see me. Lori. Nice hair, decent face, cute accessories, fabulous purses... :) Someone who is fun to be around, and a good listener. I am realizing that there is SO much more to me than my weight. How come it took this long to realize that? Could it be because I am older and wiser? Could be....Remember, I'm 50 now :) No matter how I got to this point in my life, I am feeling so much more at ease with who I am. Now, don't get me wrong, I will still be on my weight loss journey, but no longer will it ruin my day, or will it prevent me from doing or wearing something that I want to do or wear! No longer will I feel less that someone else. Sometimes I think that if you project yourself in a positive way, you look 100 percent prettier and better than that skinny mini girl over there who is nasty and mean!!
I still have a ways to go, and still need some tweaking, but I love my new found outlook on life. Everything is changing. In this case, change is a good thing! In one of my earliest post, I said that I wanted to make changes in myself because I didn't want to be the weight or the same person I was when I turned 50. I wanted to be the girl the my husband married 30 years ago. Well, what I am realizing is, that girl is still here somewhere. I've just been wallowing emotionally, hibernating socially, and acting to self conscious physically. I put Lori away for a while, but watch out, because....I'm back baby!!
I just wanted to quickly share some pictures from my birthday! My actual birthday was Sunday, but since I am special, I got to celebrate doing a few fun things over the weekend!! Yay!!
Sunday I had my mom, sister and sister-in-law over to my house for brunch. I wanted to do something special for them....to thank them for being such a big part of my life. We had a wonderful time, but missed my other sister-in-law who had to babysit and couldn't come.
Greg and I :)
Me with Blayne and Dominic :)
Here are a few gifts I received. I am so blessed!
On Monday, I spent the morning having breakfast with a good friend, whom I've know since my older kids were little. We had an awesome breakfast and much needed girl talk!! It's always nice to catch up over coffee :)
In the afternoon, my sister and I ended up meeting up with some friends and spent the day at the beach. The weather was amazing, the water not too cold, and we had a wonderful time!!
Our little area!!
After we soaked up enough sun (4 hours of it) We went to this little restaurant on the harbor. Their BBQ is their specialty, but since I don't care for meat much, I had a huge chicken sandwich and yes, french fries :)
My sister and our friends surrounding the birthday girl :)
Beautiful view from our table!
With my "50" tiara !!
Afterwards, we went to a new ice-cream place. A younger couple bought a small church, made it into an ice-cream store where they make all of their own ice-cream! It was so fun and super delicious! It is called Heavenly Creamery!!
They even kept the pulpit, with chairs so you can eat right there!
I don't mean to be yuck today, but with my birthday tomorrow, July 4th being today and the book I am reading right now, I just can't snap out of my little spot of yuck and sadness. Ok, so, let me break it down for ya.
My birthday is tomorrow. The fact that I am turning 50 never bothered me, but now that is it here, I am realizing that I AM 50. When did that happen?? How fast does life go by?? The fact that my youngest is turning 20 this year just makes me want to cry. I AM 50. I used to think that was old. I don't feel old. I don't feel like I look old. I know it's not old....never the less....I AM 50.
Today is the 4th of July. I remember when our kids were little, dressing them up in matching red, white and blue outfits, going to picnics, having picnics, or just spending the day in the pool together. Today, Greg and I spent the morning on The Sanctuary drinking coffee and watching the birds. I then went to the beach, alone, and took in all the beauty Lake Erie has to offer, reading and laying in the sun. Now I am home and getting ready to order pizza and settling in to watch Game of Thrones with Greg. It makes me a bit sad. The kids are doing their own thing, and we had a little family picnic at my nieces yesterday so today just seems like any other Saturday, except I didn't have to work.
My view this morning.
Beautiful Finches on the feeder.
My view this afternoon.
Beautiful blue Lake Erie.
I am reading a book The Daughter , on my Kindle that sounded really good....a thriller, but actually it is making me really sad. I keep thinking about the mother in the story, and how she is dealing with her teenage kids drifting away, not to mention her daughter turns up missing. I should have realized it would be sad, but those type of books never affect me like this one did today. I was reading it this afternoon at the lake and I started crying...right there, sitting by myself...feeling sad about my kids. UGG!! I will probably love it once I snap out of this yuck. It's just my melancholy state, missing my kids, and realizing that....Yes...I AM 50.
Work has been so busy, with everyone getting their doggies pretty for all of the grad parties and picnics. Have a little vacation coming up around the 4th so I am excited to just be still and soak in the weather!!
As you know Sunday was our party for my nephew. Monday I had a little birthday party for my niece Kierstin who turned 4. Do you know what that means in my world?? Too much yummy food and way to much cake. Last night I finished the last piece of cake, so I will not be tempted any more. I really haven't gone over too much with the calories, but just eating all that sugar really spikes my cravings for more and more. Give me strength to purge my self of sugar for the next few days!! :)
My baby girls Mia is sick. She is my little dog. She is 13 going to be 14 in September we think. We adopted her so we aren't completely sure her age. Anyway, she has been vomiting every day and it is getting worse. She has always been 11 pounds and now she is down to 8. She is getting frail and shaky too. I am afraid to take her to the vet, because I don't want to hear bad news. I know she is old and that is probably a lot of it, but I just don't have a good feeling about it. She's my baby girls, my love, my friend, my partner. I am scared. I am taking it one day at a time.