A picture to begin with.
Getting ready for my coffee and Kindle :)
Ohh....and Mia too!
So, as you know from my previous posts my birthday has past and I am now 50 :) I'm good! Aside from the "missing my baby kids" phases I still go through from time to time, I am fine with getting older! It is just a number and as long as I stay moving, continue to eat healthy,and continue finding new and exciting things to occupy my time, I'll be alright! :)
Just a few thoughts about my journey so far of finding myself.
I began this blog in hopes of finding out just who I am now that my kids are grown and gone (Youngest Dominic is a sophomore in college). I have always been Mom. Like I said, in previous posts.......
"Whether you work outside the home, or are a stay at home mom, our lives revolve around our kids. In my case, I was a stay at home mom until our youngest was 5, then we started our business. I really think that I gave up my self in the process of being that mom who did it all. I know many moms who do both. Moms who are able to be wonderful, hands on moms, and still have a life. I, unfortunately didn't do that. I forgot that I was supposed to live too. I never cultivated any close friendships because I didn't work outside of the home and I just never took the time to do it. I never developed any hobbies, or did things just for myself. That is my fault. I am making that conscious effort to change that. That's what "Finding Lori" is all about. My weight, my mental and emotional growth, my social development, it's all a process that should have been a priority years ago, but for whatever reason, it was all put on the back burner."
So, now an update on my journey.....
My Mental And Emotional Growth.
When our youngest Dominic left for college last fall, I suddenly faced with the fact that Greg and I were back to where we started. Alone, just the two of us. It was an adjustment for sure. Not feeling needed. Not knowing what my kids were doing at every moment, who they were with, what they were eating. One day, right after Dominic left, I came home from work to find his car not in the driveway where it usually is. I sat there teary eyed and realized that he was gone. My kids are all gone. My house is empty. I was so sad. It only took a few weeks tho that Greg and I got into our own little routine and the first time Dominic came home I was ready for him to go back after one night :) I realized that I like it the way it is now. It has been 28 years since it was just Greg and I, and we love it!! I began to realize that that is the way life is supposed to be. We did not become parents to keep our kids with us forever. We have children to raise them to be functioning adults, doing what ever makes them happy. I feel like I've grown emotionally and mental these past months. I am no longer sad all the time over the fact that my kids are not here. I still have baby dreams every once in awhile, but now I realize that I just want all of the fun cute accessions that come with a baby......strollers, diaper bags, etc.... :) I am happy where I am right now with my feelings about being an empty nester. I am realizing that not only do my kids have their own lives, but now, so do I. I'm finding things that I want to do that have nothing to do with the kids! I am happy with the fact that I have no regrets when it comes to time spent with my kids. I've done it all, loved it all and now it's time to move on :)
My Social Development.
I used to think that because I was a Mom, that I couldn't go out and have fun. I was Mom. Put Lori away. Now I am getting Lori back and I am loving every minute of it. I honestly think that my older kids were around 3 and 4 before Greg and I left them to go out to dinner. We always just took them with us. That was the first mistake. Parents need time away from their kids to develop friendships with other people, and to expand their own relationship. We are lucky that we are still so close and still so much in love, because I know of couples that separate as soon as the kids are gone, not having much in common anymore, or just falling away from each other emotionally. Unfortunately, because we never did things socially, I never had many girlfriend to do things with. Luckily I've always been close with my family, but now I am starting to reestablish friendships with old friends. Girl time is so important for our peace of mind, and I am having so much fun going out to dinner, coffee and just hanging out with other women!!
My weight has been and probably always will be a problem for me. During this process of finding who I am, I have discovered that my weight doesn't define me. It used to. It used to determine my moods, it used to determine whether or not I went out to lunch or dinner with my husband, because if it was a bad food day, I wanted to stay inside and do nothing. It used to be the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing before I went to bed. And now?? Well, now I am trying not to look at the number on the scale in the morning. I am trying not to think about my clothing size. I am beginning to just see me. Lori. Nice hair, decent face, cute accessories, fabulous purses... :) Someone who is fun to be around, and a good listener. I am realizing that there is SO much more to me than my weight. How come it took this long to realize that? Could it be because I am older and wiser? Could be....Remember, I'm 50 now :) No matter how I got to this point in my life, I am feeling so much more at ease with who I am. Now, don't get me wrong, I will still be on my weight loss journey, but no longer will it ruin my day, or will it prevent me from doing or wearing something that I want to do or wear! No longer will I feel less that someone else. Sometimes I think that if you project yourself in a positive way, you look 100 percent prettier and better than that skinny mini girl over there who is nasty and mean!!
I still have a ways to go, and still need some tweaking, but I love my new found outlook on life. Everything is changing. In this case, change is a good thing! In one of my earliest post, I said that I wanted to make changes in myself because I didn't want to be the weight or the same person I was when I turned 50. I wanted to be the girl the my husband married 30 years ago. Well, what I am realizing is, that girl is still here somewhere. I've just been wallowing emotionally, hibernating socially, and acting to self conscious physically. I put Lori away for a while, but watch out, because....I'm back baby!!
"I'm Back Baby, I'm Back!"