Ok, so I realized that I have been MIA for the week. Everything is coming at me at once. First my baby Mia leaves me, now my other baby Dominic is leaving for college on Friday! That along with the fact that I have had my monthly friend visit only 1time since February (Damn my 50 year old body) Needless to say, emotions are running high so of course my food is totally out of control, and that just makes it worse! I don't know why I do this to myself. In the book I am reading right now, the cop, who is a recovering alcoholic, fell off the wagon and went on a 3 day bender. His actions, feelings, thoughts really hit home! I thought....that's me! I felt, thought and acted like he did, when I fall off the wagon with my eating. Nothing else matters, I don't feel like going anywhere, doing anything, unless it's to the store for more goodies. I'm miserable after eating so much, but the only thing that helps is more food, and not matter how sick I am, I still eat it. In the book, the man's friend came to visit him. He said....
"You need to get better. You need to physically and mentally restore yourself, only then can you restore your spirit. First the spirit gets sick. Then the body. Then the mind."
Now, I no way am comparing food to alcohol. There is alcoholism in my family, and it is so much more harder to recover from, so I am not making any comparisons.
Anyway this really made since to me. I've been down because of Mia, so everything else followed, first my spirit, then my body, then my mind. I know how to fix it. I just keep telling myself, tomorrow I will do it. Tomorrow comes and it starts all over again. Mia's passing, and Dominic going off to school are not that big of a deal. I could have much bigger problems to deal with. It is just some excuses to feel down and eat, I know this, but it's still hard to snap out of it. Added to this, the fact that I am probably stepping into menopause is adding to my mental stability. Not like I want another baby, but just realizing the fact that I can NEVER have another baby is just so sad for me. Don't get me wrong....I love my life. I am truly blessed. I have no complaints. It's just when my "Dark Passenger" (Yes, I'm stealing from "Dexter") emerges, I just get out of control and it just takes a few day, to get that control back. So, yes, this past week I have been out of control, but tomorrow is a new day, and I am more than determined to get back on track. I am on vacation until next Monday, so I am hoping that because I will have time to read my blogs and post more that it will help me stay on track because that is one thing that really seems to pull me together!! Because of this, I want to thank you all for being there for me in my dark times, even if you don't know it :) My friend at A Journey to Thin posted her weekly "Sunday Inspiration". It said........"Never Give Up" and it reminded me that I am not alone....all I have to do is do a little reading to be inspired. Do alittle reading to realize that we are all in this together, we all have our ups and downs, we all have our tips at staying above water. Do a little reading and it always snaps me out of it and puts me back on track!
Life is funny......Some days are good, and some days you just want to stop everything and give up. The best thing about life is that you can realize what you're doing wrong, make a choice to change it, and just move the hell on!!
"What defines us,
is how well we learn after falling."