It's been over a month since my last post. There is a perfectly good reason and hopefully some of you can relate so I don't sound like a complete lunatic.
SPOILER ALLERT.......Any of you men out there, this is totally going to be a woman's topic filled with woman-type words and just woman-type feelings. You are forewarned 😊
Menopause has struck my house. Fist of all, don't you hate that word? Couldn't they have come up with a super cute word for what we woman have to go through? I'm sure a man made that one up! Let's just call it "M". Ok, so it's been a year since my "P", so I am pretty sure that I am in "M". Up until now, it's been smooth sailing. A few hot flashes here and there, but I am kind of a sweaty person to begin with so I am used to dealing with that. Very little mood swings, very little anything. I thought wow! What's all the hype about? Oh how could I have been so wrong! It began about 3 weeks ago with the overwhelming feeling of "prickliness" as my sister and I call it. That feeling when everyone and everything is irritating you, everything you do is not good enough for you, everything you think is all jumbled in your brain at once. You just feel prickly. I don't know about you all, but when I am feeling "off", I always think I need chocolate....well and other junk food too. But it's real medicine isn't it??? So the more prickly I feel, the more I've been self medicating with junk food. Enter self pity, self loathing, self everything else. It's been a vicious cycle. My life is totally out of control, and you all know how much I hate that! My body is so out of wack because of my hormones, combined with me not eating right that I've been crying at anything and everything one minute and the next I want to actually stab someone with a knife 😇 I have never experienced this before. I dealt with postpartum depressing a bit, but this seems to be lasting longer and it is just taking everything out of me emotionally and physically....I am tired all the time, which could be the junk food too, now that I think about it. The good news is, I can tell it's getting better. I can see the light at the end. I consider myself very lucky, because I know this will end for me. Many people suffer from depression and they never see the end in sight. The struggle is constant. They are very strong people.
My remedy? I promised myself that I would get my life back in order after Easter. Beginning Monday I am hitting the gym and going back to my Ab Class. I have been really slacking in that area too. "I just don't feel like I am good enough to be there. Everyone else is thinner, and more fit that I am, I can't do anything they are all doing." That was my mind set for the past 3 weeks, so I just gave into the negativity and gave up. Monday I will push myself to be there. I will push myself to think positive. I will try and not give up! Also beginning Monday, I am getting my eating back on track. I have been going up and down on the scale and that needs to end. No more self medicating with Country Fair stops for Hostess products and Mallo Cups. No more waiting for Greg to go to sleep so I can raid the Easter Candy that I bought way to early. The insanity has to stop! I want my emotions back! I want my control back! I want my life back!
I'll keep you posted 😉