No Regrets

My Dad passed away.  It is still unbelievable to say that.  My Dad passed away.  He left us on November 27.  Thanksgiving Eve. He was admitted to the local hospital on November 6th.  He was transferred to The Cleveland Clinic on November 23, after the local hospital was unable to figure out what was wrong, and passed away 4 days later.  He had been struggling with shortness of breath off and on since March, had every test imaginable, all coming back negative....and now he is gone.  My mother has dementia and now she is alone.  I got the phone call from the Cleveland Clinic that my Dad passed and I can still hear the Dr.'s voice.  He couldn't believe it as much as I couldn't.  I spoke with my Dad at 3:00 that day.  He passed at 4:55.  He sounded weak, but better than the day before when we drove to see him.  He wanted to transfer back home as soon as he was feeling better.  He never come home.  Two days before, he called me to talk.  Take care of your Mother, he said.  Do anything you have to do so she is taking care of.  He had taken care of her since the 9th grade, so it was the one thing he was worried about.

I have been thinking about my parents lately, of course.  They were both 76 years old.  Not old really.  My Mother's dementia started about 6 years ago, although at the time we didn't know what it was.  We just knew something was different and at first we were mad at her for pulling away and not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. Now I realize that was a part of the disease.  I began to wonder if either of them had any regrets.  Was there something that they wanted to do but just kept putting it off saying "we will do it later"?  Thinking about it, if something suddenly happened to me, would I have any regrets?  Definitely.  There are two things that immediately jump out, being things that I would have regretted not doing.  The first is that I never went to NYC.  I've wanted to go to NYC as long as I could remember.  Ever since I watched the original Planet of the Apes and saw that part of the movie where the Statue of Liberty was broken and on the beach, I've had a fear of enormous things, and the urge to go see the Statue of Liberty.  Weird, I know... I have just always been afraid to make the trip, or it's just not the right time to go. The second is that I  never became a healthy and physically active person . I've always wanted it but just never had enough mental strength and dedication to do something about it.  It's been a part of my New Year Resolution for many years and I always fall short.

My Resolution this year is simply to have no regrets.  Making choices in my day to day life so I live how I want to live and not how I think others want me to live. Trying not to put things off that I really want to do.  I am going to make my NYC Trip happen. I am going to be more active so I feel strong and healthy.  No more waiting until next time, next month, next year.  No more making excuses.  My parents do not have a "tomorrow" or a "next year", I could end up like my Mom or my Dad, so I am going to make sure that I don't leave my children wondering if I had any regrets after I am gone.

xoxo